Yesterday is Today is Tomorrow is Too late ... Wait What!?

 That's how my mind feels sometimes.  I begin with my negative self talk over not getting this up yesterday and then I think I'm a big fat failure because I didn't.  I go down a road of complete and utter disgust towards myself and then it hits me.  STOP! Just stop doing that.  The devil wants to beat you down and you're letting it happen.  Just STOP!  Once I come back to my calmer self, I realize, it's not that bad.  I'm still walking, i'm still sticking to tasks, i'm still taking care of my family & responsibilities.  I have a lot of Wins to be proud of today and yesterday.

I am grateful for moments like these because I recognize them & it pushes me & motivates me to move past them and keep going.  I may never silence those inner demons & haters are still going to hate.  As long as, I hold true to myself, my purpose, and my goals--then i'm living right.  Aren't I?  There goes doubt, my evil twin.  She won't leave me alone.  I give her plenty of attention and she still tries to suck out all the oxygen in the room.  Go away Doubt!  Optimism and I are having a 'grown folks' talk.  There's no room for your childish behavior.  What was I saying? .. Oh yes.  Gratitude.  When was the last time I expressed gratitude?  What am I grateful for?  Oh yes, I did say thank you to the girls for our girl's day Sunday.  The mother/daughter time spent with my 2 daughters is amazing.  I feel so good being with them.  It's unlike anything else.  I love being around them & just seeing them be themselves.  I'm grateful for their authenticity.  They truly are their own individual and I am glad that their father & I raised them that way--to embrace who they are on the inside.  Love yourself inside & out.  

As for tomorrow, she's not here yet and it's not too late to accomplish today what I didn't do yesterday.  The blog goes up--rain or shine. 

Last, there is 1 thing I want to leave on and ponder over..."am I putting too many expectations on you?"  The question came from my significant other aka domestic partner aka the father of my childfren.  He wanted to know if he was putting too much on my plate.  I know why he is asking because once upon a time I said, "I have too much on my plate, I am overwhelmed".  I said to this him and at the time I was about 10 years younger and I was overwhelmed.  I didn't know about balancing my life, or organizing myself, or keeping track of important dates--unless it was regarding something outside of my home.  Such as friends, extended family, and work.  When I say work, I mean schedule, commuting, work functions, & work friends.  I could balance everything outside of my house but I couldn't make my home or my checkbook work for me & my family or the family I was building.  I blame him, as well as, myself.  It takes two to make a family, but I was trying to do it all myself.  I wasn't good at delegating responsibility or asking him for help.  He wasn't good at offering to help.  His 'gripe' if you will, came from once upon a time I said, "I can 'do it all'", but at that time I was 22 or 23, and didn't have children.  

We both were in very different places.  We are even in a different place now.  Life gives you lemon & you make lemonade right, or margaritas.  Whatever floats your boat.  My point is, I had to immediately go to something I knew nothing about and make it work.  He on the other hand expected me to 'handle it all'.  What he found out was that I couldn't do it all and he also was ill equipped to handle someone else's failure coupled with his own.  We both took the set back very hard and have been working both together & individually to fix our AND one another's mistakes.  We had to grow up and face the fact that we needed each other.  Not just for intimacy, parenting, and finances, but we both bring strengths and weaknesses to the table and if we can learn to balance each other out, then we can make our house a home and make it work like a fine tuned, well oiled machine ... someday.  (smile).  

So, yesterday is gone.  Today is here, and tomorrow ... well, you have to plan for it.  

Good luck & God speed!