Muse-ing's

 I missed blogging last week.  I was feeling very vulnerable over the past two weeks.  I could only bring myself to write in my journal.  I couldn't put all my deep & personal thoughts in a blog.  I didn't want to frighten the world away.  I was having negative feelings towards myself as a woman, a parent, spouse, friend, and so on, and so on.   Eventually, I came down from those bad feelings and have come up feeling slightly motivated & on my way to feeling determined until I looked at my calendar for October.  Does that ever happen to you?  You're fine, until you turn the page.  It's like, "why do I do this to myself every month?"  Then I remind myself that I chose this--I wanted to have a family and work, and enjoy life & do the things that make me happy.  What I didn't account for was self care & personal time.  That is where I went wrong.  I was also judging myself harshly for the past. ...

The term 'journaling' is defined by the Collins Dictionary as the practice of keeping a journal or diary, especially, in order to express one's thoughts, (www.collinsdictionary.com).   That's interesting, because I do express myself more openly in my journal because I know it's a safe place with no judgements, responses, or questions.  I can just write my thoughts whenever, wherever, or however.  I know that no matter how long it's been, when I come back to the journal--it's the same, no changes or disappointments. Now, the big important question, why can't people be this simple?  Why are there so many conditions to every relationship we have?  Why is it that others aren't easy to deal with like a journal or diary?  Perhaps it's because they are not.  Every person in our lives has their own level of importance in our mind.   The journal, or diary as it was called when I was 11, is something that I rely on to always be there no matter the...

  Have you ever heard that song?  "Holding Back the Years" by: Simply Red, do you ever wonder what it's about or do you ever just think of the past when listening to the song.  Music has that power over us.  It's a source of joy & happiness, sorrow & sadness, memories & magic--of the past, present, & the future.  That's why there is so much music.  We have so many different genres, because like music, in life we have highs & lows and ups & downs.  We rely on music to bring us through it.  We also rely on music to tell stories, remind us of good times, & remember a familair face or a long lost & forgotten pserson or individual.   I know when certain songs come on, depending on how old it is, I think of a person it reminds me of or a movie/tv show it appeared in.  I challenge my brain to think & look back.  Its crazy, the other night I was riding in the car with my significant other, him & ...

Sometimes you have to liven up the atmosphere--my thoughts exactly!  So, I added some new color to the mix & "New" bold font.  Is it too much?  Will it keep the readers engaged?  Will it prompt a comment of good or bad, yea or nay?  Let's watch and see. Self validation, or in other words, Validating Yourself.  That's what is on my mind today, and the last few days really.  It's something my therapist brings up a lot because she knows I struggle with this very thing.  Perhaps it's the personality type that I have or my own character flaws, i'm not sure but I do know it is something that I need to work on.  But what is it...exactly?  How do I recognize it or how do I self validate?  What does that look like in a practical sense?  When i'm self-validating I don't want it to sound like i'm always reading from a script or my personal journal pages, (or my blog--haha).             Let me ex...

The mind is a terrile thing to waste--that is so true & more evident to me as I get older. However, it is never the mind that drives me, it's the most important thing, or the tedious task that keeps me motivated.  The other emotions & thoughts exist, and I pick them up as I use them.  My intention is first on random & then business.  The pleasure points, seem to come in 3rd or 4th place.   I've heard it said that there can be more than 1 person 'driving the car'.  For example, your part of the brain that pays attention is driving, while your busy mind is focused on tasks, and your random mind is focused on all the mindless things that cross it's path.  The deliberate part of your mind is the all businesss no pleasure side.  Lastly, there is the carefree part of your mind where all the fluff exists-fun, romance, laughter, & pleasure. Why can't we all engage all parts of the brain each day?  What gets in the way?  Who is dr...

 That's how my mind feels sometimes.  I begin with my negative self talk over not getting this up yesterday and then I think I'm a big fat failure because I didn't.  I go down a road of complete and utter disgust towards myself and then it hits me.  STOP! Just stop doing that.  The devil wants to beat you down and you're letting it happen.  Just STOP!  Once I come back to my calmer self, I realize, it's not that bad.  I'm still walking, i'm still sticking to tasks, i'm still taking care of my family & responsibilities.  I have a lot of Wins to be proud of today and yesterday. I am grateful for moments like these because I recognize them & it pushes me & motivates me to move past them and keep going.  I may never silence those inner demons & haters are still going to hate.  As long as, I hold true to myself, my purpose, and my goals--then i'm living right.  Aren't I?  There goes doubt, my evil twin.  Sh...